D3 body, D1 cock
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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