she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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