god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
