I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
