i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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