my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
