The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
