I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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