God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Randomize
