I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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