I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
