when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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