You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
