Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
