I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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