That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
