did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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