Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
