my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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