I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Randomize
