i can't believe i had my finger in that
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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