'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
