I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Let's paint friendship bongs
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
