he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
