Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You may now shotgun with the bride
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
