I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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