So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
