question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
