I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I need a beard to bite.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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