Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize