I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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