actually, I'm a sock model
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
