drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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