His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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