Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
