The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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