What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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