Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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