That's when you crack a 10am beer
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
