In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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