Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
