just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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