the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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