Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
