My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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