I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sext me about skeletons
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
