Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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