I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
