im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
