it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
