do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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