I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
