My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
