I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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