I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
