good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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