either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
