Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
