So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
