I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
