i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
