i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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