you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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