Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
