Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
