dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
