Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
