i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
