Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How naked do you want me to be?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
