You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize