do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
