We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
