but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
