Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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