I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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