Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
